I can see the goal post from here. In less then eight months I’m out of this place, and I have some important decisions to make. Where to go. What to do. How to best be self-sufficient.
I think I can answer the first question. I’m not good at making new friends. With a few exceptions, it takes a long time before I feel really comfortable with people. I don’t want to strike out to lands unknown where I will be completely alone. I know people will disperse after college, but I have at least a few good friends in the Boston area, so I probably want to stick around here.
It would be easier if I had some major ambition. If I wanted to go to law school, or enter politics, or whatever, then my path would be a bit more clear. But I don’t have any clue what I want. I want to be happy, but the hows and wheres and whats are all up in the air right now. I don’t have any anchors holding me back, but at the same time there is no wind pushing me in one direction or another. It’s just vast, calm seas all around. Only — to stretch this metaphor even more — I can feel a monsoon approaching. If I don’t start making choices, I’ll be stuck in a situation I hate.
When I started writing, I thought it was going to be about student government. About how I’ve lost my commitment to it, to making Brandeis better, because my perspective is shifting. I didn’t apply to serve on any University committees, because I realized that I don’t much care about working with people in IT or Dining Services or whatever. I’m not enthusiastic about big projects. I’m not so worried about chilling with administrators.
I was starting to feel bad about this, but then Kevin told me that, even now, my level of commitment to the Student Union is higher then a good majority of the other officers. He’s right, and so I don’t feel bad. I could be doing more for my constituants, the students of Brandeis, but I’m not sure the students really care, or will notice.
I don’t want to be in student affairs. I don’t want to be a politician. I don’t want to be in marketing or sales or customer support. I don’t want to be a wrestler. Well, that doesn’t really narrow it down much.
I’m focusing on my academics, and trying to get good grades, but I’m not really sure why, because I’m not sure if a 3.3 is markedly better then a 3.1, especially if I don’t know what I’m going to be doing with it. American Studies? What is that, anyway?
Today I got asked a bunch of questions about what kind of Legal Studies internship I wanted, and they focused a lot on my skills and what I’m good at and what I want to do with my life. Man, that was hard. The real interviews will be a lot harder. My interviewer kept telling me to stop being so vague. Through our explorations we discovered that I’m good at editing. Maybe I should work for a newspaper after all.
I dunno. I don’t have a conclusion to this entry, because I don’t have any answers yet. I guess it is just something to continue to ponder.
Advice? Something better then “it’ll all work out?”