Today was a long day at Harvard on a Saturday, which is weird because I’m generally there Monday through Friday as well, and I felt very confused about the whole thing. After 9 to 5 at Startup School surrounded by people who were far more into the idea of creating a startup than I was, I headed over to Berkman for an hour to wait for Matt Sachs and crew to come to Harvard Square for dinner. I wandered over to the square but they had decided to go to Lexington instead, so I ate in the square, went back to Berkman for my stuff (and fiddled for another hour), and then decided to go home.

For reasons that remain unknown I decided to walk around the front instead of my normal route along the back, and it was in my very brief walk to the car to get home after a long day that a man in a coat and hat approached me. The gentleman in question spun an elaborate story about his wife taking his car, getting in a car accident, and him not having any means of getting to her at the hospital, as all of his stuff was in the car in question. There were some (perceived, at least) gaps in the story having to do with how he heard about the accident, why he needed to take an Amtrak train, etc. I felt pretty strongly that he was scamming me, but despite that, and after pretty much calling him a liar to his face, I gave him a twenty and my business card.

For some reason the homeless beggars seemed more persistant today, or perhaps more pitiful, as it was raining. I rarely give these people money, not because I think they are bad people, or that they should “find a job” or that the state will take care of them, but just because I don’t understand why they are in the square day after day, what their stories are, what they do with their lives and with the money I give them, and what my spare pocket change will really do. If it was one guy, I’d give him my fifty cents, but there are a dozen, and how to choose? I can’t give money to every person on the street, and even if I did, would it be making any difference? I just don’t know, and so I don’t give, and I try not to feel bad about it, but tonight I was feeling bad about it.

I was thinking about a discussion I had with Kevin a while back in which he gave me his rationale for giving money to beggars. He told me he feels fortunate at this time in his life to be in a position to have a place to live, money in his pocket, a stable job, a car, food on the table. But life is a series of ups and downs, he said, and we never know where we might be tomorrow, and when we might need to rely on the kindness of strangers. He also doesn’t believe that anyone would *choose* to beg on a street corner unless they absolutely had to. I tend to agree with him, whatever these peoples circumstances, we as a society have failed them. And I understand his sentiment, and his reasons. This is an issue that I just have not been able to come to any decision about, despite ample pondering.

So tonight when a strange man approached me, seemingly agitated, with a story that, while probably untrue, could certainly be true, I gave him $20. I had it in my wallet, after all. I had just paid $10 for dinner. If his wife really is in the hospital, I did the right thing and helped a fellow human in need. If he was just scamming me for money, well, now he has some money, and hopefully he is better off and can use it to purchase something he needs. Not knowing, it is best not to dwell on it, and now I can at least feel that I’ve given enough to somebody that I can put this question about the homeless to the back of my mind, at least for a little while.

If, by some miraculous event I get a check in the mail next week for my twenty bucks, I guess my faith in humanity will be reaffirmed, or something. But then I guess I’ll have to start worrying again about giving money to beggars.