I read some people’s blogs and I wonder why I’m not as thoughtful and witty and knowledgable and well-traveled and introspective as they are. Also makes me sad I wasn’t born five or six years earlier, so that I could have taken part in the dot-com boom. I often feel unfulfilled at the end of the day, and I’m not quite sure what to do about it. There is a promise of an intangible wholeness and connectedness around every corner, but I haven’t yet been able to corner it and grab it or even see through the veil and figure out what the heck it is. Its about finding your place, and if there is one big thing on my long list of “not yet found,” that is definitely it. How to describe it — its like in a TV show like _West Wing_ when they accomplish something and the music swells, or in _Grey’s Anatomy_ when Meredith voiceovers the silly theme and the pop soundtrack rises in intensity and everything wraps up to a meaningful, 44-minute conclusion, or in _Buffy_ when she stakes the vampire, says something witty, and wanders off into the night. I can go on my little adventures and have fun with my friends and go into work, but I’m just not in that ethereal place I need to be in to feel like I’m living a meaningful, fulfilling layered life. I don’t really know what to do about it, or what I can change.
And I need to take more pictures. I always need to take more pictures. No matter how many pictures I take, I need to take more.
I don’t think being present at the dot-com-boom-bomb would necessarily have helped. Many there were just in it to get rich (in the middle and end), and you may not have fallen into the right place for connectedness. In fact, now that many people have left the field, there is a greater chance of getting into something that is meaningful, because only those with abilities worth contributing to the cause are partaking.
It’ll come; you’ll find it. You’re one of those people that will. It just comes when you don’t expect it.
And yes, take beaucoup photos.