Me being, after all, me, I tend to notice, and in fact did notice when I first arrived on campus, the presence of card readers by doors and such. Just like I inevitably see every possible security camera and alarm sensor, I also am the kind of person who just always sees the keycard readers. For a while on campus I had fun scanning my WhoCard (ie Brandeis ID Card) through every reader I found, and I was inevitably presented with the red light of non-unlockiness. Eventually I learned to simply ignore them, since it seems that they really don’t have a lot of student uses, unless you are in a specific department like computer science where you need to, say, get into a computer cluster.

Imagine my surprise, then, when I found the inner doors to the gym locked. They gym guy said to show your ID to the monitor if one was there, but the girl reading a book behind the counter didn’t appear to care. I had never had a problem getting in before. Obviously I found out, when another student walked in, that the keycard scanner is my ticket to access. Idiot me! Don’t I feel stupid. Funny how everyone just seems to pick up on simple things that I completely miss, while I pick up on things that never seem to matter…

Oh, the title is a reference to George Carlin’s rant on airplanes, in which he discusses the safety lecture: “What if I don’t want to put the tab into the buckle? What if I want to put the buckle over and around the tab? Seatbelts. High tech shit!”

Of course, when I found an alternative entrance/exit to the gym that is closer to my dorm and walking path, I scanned my card, supposing it would let me back in, and, of course, I got a red light. Locked out. Sigh. No chance for things to ever, oh, I dunno, MAKE SENSE!!!