Zelda, WTF?

I’m not into video games, never have been. When Igor got a Wii I gave it a shot, but the little sports games and such get old after a while. So I bought _Zelda_, thinking it’d be fun. Well, it is, I’m learning how to…err…fish, and blow grass reeds to summon falcons, and such. I spent something like an hour trying to convince a stupid cat to go back to its owner. (Hmm, maybe if I throw a pumpkin at it? No. How about if I build a wall of pumpkins to try and guide it? Nope. What if I float it across the river on top of a pumpkin? Hmm, that doesn’t work. Hint: the solution does not involve pumpkins.) After the cat I had to learn how to use a sword and slingshot, then went exploring a bit and got an oil lamp and did a bit of horse riding and beating up various man-eating plants. Oh, and more fishing.

Long story short, I got killed by a stupid bird because there wasn’t any method I could see to pay him for his shop goods, and since I didn’t pay him he attacked me, and when I went to get some healing potion stuff I accidentally got lantern oil instead, which you can’t drink, and in the process the bird pecked at me enough such that a black screen came up and told me “Game Over” (a little blunt there?) and that the game was over. Wow, I paid $45 for this?

Apparently — and don’t laugh at me for being an idiot, I don’t know anything about games — apparently you need to save your game every time you do anything remotely interesting or time consuming. Igor says save every five minutes. Whatever. I never saved anything, and I didn’t exactly expect to meet my early demise at the hands of a Tiki Room reject, so now I have to start back at the beginning and learn to swordfight again and slingshot again and herd goats and fish and deal with that stupid cat all over again. Bah.

2 replies on “Zelda, WTF?”

  1. I had a similar experience with Zelda on my brother’s Wii. I found that if you run in just the right way you can avoid the bird-slash-shopkeeper-slash-attackdog from killing you. My brother was horrified (“that’s cheating! you’re supposed to use the mask of someoneorother and recite the chant of someotherperson!”).

    Then I got to a temple of some sort, where I spent two hours trying to figure out how to blow up a plant.

    I never did get the key in the chest that the plant was on top of…

  2. You’re not the only one to get killed by that bird, and I’m a Zelda veteran! Just found this blog because I was searching on how to pay the little bugger!

    Didn’t lose as much as you though!

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