I am an honest person. It is very difficult for me to lie openly, and I attempt to never do so. I try my best never to be duplicitous and to make my honest feelings known on all matters, or, if I do not wish to make my feelings known, to simply not speak, or refuse to answer. I make it pretty clear to people whether I like them or not. I try to avoid people I dislike and to stay in the company of those whom I like. I try always to answer questions honestly. Generally, I do a pretty good job of it.
I’ve noticed lately that I will speak mistruths when I make it clear, through my actions, that I am joking or that I am lying. I don’t really like that I’ve been seeing myself do this from time to time, it really goes against my policy of complete honesty. I need to attempt to stop when I see myself doing this.
There is one person in particular who has a very open and well-known disdain for me who insists on pretending to be nice when he needs things from me. It annoys me to no end — we both know that he hates me, and it’s really stupid for him to pretend to be nice and then walk out the door and start shouting obscenities about me. I just don’t get why he acts that way.
There have been two occasions in the last week or so where administrators have said things to me that I know to be completely untrue. Their demeanor while putting forth these lies was almost exactly the same as their demeanor at other times. This worries me greatly. It is pretty darn obvious if I’m telling a lie, on the few occasions that I do. To realize that people I talk to every day are so adept at lying really throws me for a loop — I don’t really know if what they’ve told me in the past has been the complete honest truth.
Everyone embellishes, everyone tells half-truths, everyone distorts things slightly. I strive to be as honest a person as possible. While other students might go to professors and attempt to get grades changed on things like papers (and often succeed), I don’t do so because it just doesn’t feel right to me. While people make excuses for missing class, be they legitimate or not, I generally don’t, because I don’t think they’re honest — if I wanted to get to the class enough, I would have, and if I had another priority that made the class secondary, then I really don’t have the right to make excuses. And when I tell people my opinions, I tell them my true opinions, not the ones I think they’re going to like.
I’m beginning to feel that my honesty puts me at a distinct disadvantage to other people. I think that bothers me, but I’m not sure. Should it?