A quick recap to bring us all up to date: I had a fairly stable group of friends in elementary school, and a better group in middle school. Come high school, I moved to a different school district where I knew no one. Not being the outgoing type, it pretty much stayed that way, and I had a few fairly good friends but not a large group. Next comes college, a realization that I’m really not leaving anyone behind, and that I at least have a chance to start fresh, do it right.
Of course I still lacked most of the social skills, and took the easy route, bonding and hanging with people in my building and on my floor. No branching out to other cohorts meant that most of the rest of campus remained mysterious to me. Sophomore year or thereabouts I realized that friendship by proximity does not necessarily translate into true friendship, and in response tried to expand my social circles and meet more interesting people. I knew I was behind, but was working on catching up.
End recap. Enter present day. I feel I have a fairly good number of people that I am friendly with and enjoy the company of. A few I will certainly maintain relationships with after college. Some I may talk to occasionally. Many I probably won’t talk to again.
What I don’t have, and envy in other people, is kinda a long-term, close-knit group of good friends. Or, at least, a sort of unified social circle of people who communicate with each other. I’m envious of people who have some good friends from home, people they have known for years. I’m envious of groups formed in college that now have several years of shared history and experience, of bonds and in-jokes and understanding.
Here lies a placeholder for a few paragraphs I wrote about a specific example of this phenomenom. Reading it over, I realize that I do not have the verbal faculty to convey the demonstration I wish to convey, so its better to leave out something that will just cause undue awkwardness.
Breaking into a social circle can be a very difficult task, especially late in the game. I wrote about this in my Cyberlaw paper on trust relationships, but then it was just theoretical. The real thing is so much more complicated. It helps, though, to have a person or two encouraging you along and filling you in on backstory enough that you don’t feel completely alienated everytime someone tells a n amusing antecdote. And don’t get me wrong, it makes me happy, not sad, to see people taking pleasure in each others company. It just makes me envious. And we’re allowed to envy happiness, right?