I’m fascinated by the world of medicine, but fascinated from afar. Because in many ways, our modern medicine is barbaric and disgusting. We can work miracles, but they require poking, prodding, and pain. We cut, we zap, we stitch. Medicine is an antiseptic world, but we are still flesh and bones, and we are still messy, and treating us is messy. I respect doctors, their work, and the marvels of modern medicine, but that doesn’t mean I have to feel comfortable with it.

I don’t like needles. I don’t like seeing them, I don’t like having them jammed into me, I don’t like watching things travel into or out of them. I can feel them go in, I can feel them stay in, and I can feel them after they’ve been taken out. They’re not something I willingly like to inflict on myself. And that is one of the major reasons I’ve never given blood. The second major reason is that I’ve never really understood the process of giving blood, and even reading the Red Cross web site and looking at some pictures has not helped much. The third reason, a bit less major, is that I’ve never been in a position where I’ve seen the direct effects of giving blood. Its all very abstract to me, where the blood goes and what happens to it.

Today I gave blood, and I want to relate the details of it so that other people like me (and I know of at least a few of you) can have a better perspective on the process. It was about what I expected, which is to say, a little nerve-wracking, sort of painful, but all in all not a terrible experience.

Continue reading “How to give blood”

Its funny to have to think more now about future employers reading this stuff. Funny because it makes it harder for me to just come out and say thing I want to say, like how I woke up this morning and I felt like I was choking, choking on life. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t sit in my room all day, cut off from the world. I need to find some way to connect, but I just don’t know how.

I was talking with someone on the phone last night and he told me that last summer was one of the happiest times of his life. He was uncommitted and unattached, not yet having to worry about a career or life direction, able to spend time with family and with friends, to go places, to just have fun.

I agreed with him. Last summer was pretty amazing. And its not that every waking moment was amazing — there was a lot of boredom, even some sadness. But I had a job doing interesting things with interesting people. I had wonderful weekends doing fun things with fun people in a fun place. I had time to think and read and play on my computer, but not too much time. I had time to myself, but also time with others. And last summer was also the start to an amazing relationship.

In the waning days of summer I wrote a recap that described what I had learned about the world an myself. At the time, I wrote:

I’ve learned that I’m afraid of what comes after college, of the mundanity of real life. I don’t enjoy working eight hours a day at doing the same thing, I don’t enjoy office politics and meetings that don’t accomplish anything and doing things that aren’t interesting and new. Most of all, I don’t enjoy the prospect of not being around friends all the time, not in a place where I can just go knock on a door or send an IM and meet someone for dinner. Of being out somewhere in the wide world, disconnected from everyone I’ve met and known over these past three years, seperated by geography and life circumstance and the demands of work, and the limitations of time and money.

I think that was pretty spot on, and I don’t think my feelings have much changed. Unfortunately, I also don’t think there is much I can do about it.

I’ve learned that optimism is better then pessimism, but sometimes pessimism can be hard to shake.

I’m in a rut. When I get a job, that will be a major step towards getting out of it. But current life events do cause me to question some of my base assumptions, like what I’m still doing on this coast, what I’m doing in the Cambridge/Somervile area, and what my future holds. This isn’t an easy journey. But I guess no one said leaving college would be easy.

Change is unending, change is inevitable, change must be embraced, for change is the basis for life. If only change wasn’t so damn hard.

She rounded the corner and pedaled up the street, bag slung over her shoulder. Aside from her the place was deserted. A welcome splash of color, of life…

The other day leaking gas lines (apparently) caused manhole covers to explode and Central Square to lose power. At the same time, my street lost power from a downed electric line. Ours was repaired quicker. 🙂

Not sure if they’d be related in any way, but it was pretty strange timing. I took a few pictures down Mass Ave of the dark streets (boy does a city look different without power!) and posted them in my Flickr photostream. Notably, Walgreen’s lacked power but remained open all day, with employees toting flashlights accompanying patrons on their shopping expeditions.

I’ve also posted some shots from my walk yesterday around the MIT area.

* Photos of the power outage and my walk through MIT (there are 8, click “next” on the right to move forward.)

I’ve decided to give Claritin another go. Starting tomorrow, I’m taking the non-drowsy combo Claritin/decongestant each morning for five days (that’s when I run out of them). I’ll report back on my progress.