Wistful

So I have about 50 important e-mails to respond to, a bunch of books to read, an essay to write

Just another day in the life of a college student. September 19, 2001, to be exact. In my life. I’m just trying to figure out why I keep doing so many things wrong. Back in 2001 I found Brandeis and I was so happy. I did my work, I took part in activities, everything was new and exciting, and I enjoyed it all, learned and grew, and much of that was through classes in addition to all of my activities. Sure, I talked about how personal growth wins out over academic growth, etc., etc., but I did my work, I enjoyed it, I didn’t avoid it (so much), and I got it done. And I did okay in classes, and I got good grades.

So what has changed? Why is it now that when I sit down at a book to read it, a book I’m interested in, for a class I enjoy, I just don’t? I get distracted, I do stupid time-wasting things. Last semester was a disaster, a wake-up call, and this semester was going to be different, damnit, and I knew what I had to do and I knew I needed to fix things. So why am I back where I was? Why does this cycle continue to repeat?

I know I did the same thing freshman year, the same thing sophomore year, the same thing back in high school. But I always ended up getting things done, getting through it, coming out okay. I always knew that it would all work out. Last semester it didn’t, this semester was my chance to prove myself, and I don’t know why I can’t. I know, superficially, the things that I am doing wrong. I don’t know, I don’t understand, deep down, what I’m doing wrong, and why, and how to fix it.

I need help. I don’t know what that help is, exactly. Why am I not happy anymore? And now that I’ve stopped hiding that fact, where do I go from here?

What was I saying back in 2001, after a month at school? Oh yes:

I’ve been here some insanely short period of time, like less than a month, but already this place is my home. The people, the buildings, the surroundings are all mine now. Everyone I talk to who doesn’t live around here and who goes away or visits another college or whatever, comes back and tells me that this is what is home. They miss Brandeis when they’re gone. Its a great feeling.

Meanwhile, people in the UC system start college in the next few weeks. START! I’ve already been here an eternity. Yet, right now, I hope it never ends.

The latest study by economists of file sharing supports the techie view of the last three years, mainly that online file sharing does not significantly impact music CD sales. The study is explained in some detail in the NY Times article. The record industry is enraged, and the NYT reporter does a pretty good job of making fun of their illogical responses. Best paragraph is the last one:

“They can’t get to that using the two sets of data they are using – they aren’t tracking individual behavior,” said Jayne Charneski, formerly of Edison Media Research […] “There’s a lot of research out there that’s conducted with an agenda in mind,” said Ms. Charneski, now the head of research for the record label EMI.

(Emphasis added.)

Meanwhile, I just don’t know if it’s funny or sad to watch the dying beast of the record industry hold on to it’s outdated ideas. The Wall Street Journal reports that in response to growing online music sales, specifically of individual tracks that people like, as opposed to force–fed albums of a few good songs and a lot of filler, the 5 major record labels are considering raising prices on individual popular tracks or forcing those tracks to be bundled with less popular ones. Additionally, in many cases popular albums are being sold online, i.e. in a lower quality, restricted digital compressed form, with no liner notes, no physical CD to distribute, etc, at a higher price then what it costs to buy them in stores.

Finally, the creator of the DeCSS hack of yore has released his latest masterpiece, a program called PlayFair that removes the Apple “FairPlay” digital rights management from legally purchased iTunes songs, removing the restrictions on copying and the like. The songs still maintain their unique digital watermarks, including the purchaser’s account information. This reminds me of the late, great eMusic, which offered unlimited music downloading of non-big-5 music, but the music contained digital watermarks and people who shared on P2P networks were dealt with, strongly. Seems like a sensible approach to me, and PlayFair removes the bitter aftertaste I get every time I purchase an iTunes track, because now I know that the possibility exists for me to get out of this crazy DRM scheme at some point in the future.

An official in the occupation authority said Wednesday that allied and Iraqi security forces had lost control of the key southern cities of Najaf and Kufa to the Shiite militia, conceding that months of effort to win over the population with civil projects and promises of jobs have failed with segments of the population.

“Six months of work is completely gone,” the official said. “There is nothing to show for it.”

He cited reports that government buildings, police stations, civil defense garrisons and other installations built up by the Americans had been overrun and then stripped bare, of files, furnishings and even toilet fixtures.

Sigh. (via Atrios)

Friends of friends

I thought if I ignored things like Friendster, LinkedIn, and Tribes they would go away, but for some inexplicable reason they are still here. Yesterday Adam Herman made me join Friendster, and so I’ve been spending the last 20 minutes trying to figure out what the point of it is, why it is here, and why I’m trying to add friends to it. Apparently I have something like 3,000 “third-degree” friends. Um, yay? I don’t get it…

I also decided to check back in with Orkut, which Nat made me sign up for, and noticed that it’s basically the same exact thing, only a little faster, and it says that I have more like 300,000 friends. Well, for 297,000 more friends, I’ll go with Orkut! Come on Friendster, give me more friends!

Looks like Wellesley is going about a project very similar to our Shapiro Campus Center. Strange, angular building, theirs is named the Wang Campus Center. Except they seem to be doing things right…making it a student building. It will contain dining, mailboxes, and a whole bunch of student meeting spaces and club storage. Also, all the highlights that we’ve talked about – a pub/bistro (heh, echos the debate about whether The Stein is a pub or a bistro here at Brandeis), a game room, an expanded bookstore, a large multipurpose room (no theater, though), and, most exciting, a big parking garage hidden down the hill and behind trees.

Just like Brandeis wants, but can’t afford. I have no clue what the deal was with Carl Shapiro and the architect Charlie Rose and the University, but boy was it a mess, whatever it was. Something went seriously wrong along the way, and we were left with a monstrosity of a building that really didn’t fulfill any of the goals set for it. Well, except the theater isn’t horrible. That’s about it.

  • Rides Through Chernobyl – [P]eople lived, had homes, country houses, garages, motorcyles, cars, money, friends and relatives, people had their life, each in own niche and then in a matter of hours this world fall in pieces and everything goes to dogs and after few hours trip with some army vehicle one stands under some shower, washing away radiation and then step in a new life, naked with no home, no friends, no money, no past and with very doubtful future.
  • Who is that with Jeremy?
  • Bob Edwards yanked from Morning Edition – A shame…what does NPR have up it’s sleeve?
  • Dick Clarke Is Telling the Truth

Criticism

This is very interesting. This morning I received two very legitimate pieces of criticism about things that I’m doing that are stupid. I’m not exactly sure what to do with this information. The logical reaction is to attempt to fix the shortcomings, but, because that is hard, I’m instead spending time with internal meta-commentary on the criticism, the act of criticisizing, and probably, justification of my actions, although that’s all fuzzy and I’m not sure if I’m doing it or not.

Generally in a situation like this, I would createa task list or schedule. The problem is that I won’t stick to it. I guess I’m trying to think of something better that I can do.

I know one thing for certain though — one should not send somewhat self-righteous emails to people at 3:00am…the mind is not at the high point of it’s clarity.

Deanitude

You can win if you run a smart, disciplined campaign, if you studiously say nothing — nothing that causes you trouble, nothing that’s a gaffe, nothing that shows you might think the wrong thing, nothing that shows you think. But it just isn’t worthy of us[…]

It isn’t worthy of us, it isn’t worthy of America, it isn’t worthy of a great nation. We’re gonna write a new book, right here, right now. This very moment. Today.

I think the great hope of myself and so many others was that Howard Dean would be our Bartlet, a dark horse who wasn’t suppposed to win but did, who could run a campaign that was different, who could be idealistic to a fault, who could change the level of discourse. Well, he was eaten alive. Perhaps there is a reason why The West Wing is fiction.