Mimi Lester is a 14 year old student in a school just down the street from the World Trade Center site. Today, she was interviewed by BBC World, and her words just filled me with so much hope. As best I can remember:

We’re all people, and just because they have been brought up believing things that we don’t believe in, we shouldn’t bomb the civilians.

She lives in the wreckage, military is all around, she has to show ID to get home after school, she and her 7 year old brother are subjected to searches before they can enter their neighborhood. Yet she still worries about the lives of people half a world away.


What also struck me on the BBC this morning is that they go all around the world for their reports on all kinds of conflicts. In the US they never do that, except on NPR. I don’t think I like US media that much.


In other news, the US is killing a bunch of innocents.


Oh, and now Busy is saying there will be terrorism by anthrax. Fun.

Just for those who may be interested, I am running a Power Mac G4 400 Mhz with 256 MB ram and 108 GB of hard drive space. Right now I’m running Mac OS X 10.1 plus OS 9.2 in the classic environment. Basically everything works except my SmartMedia card reader and Palm sync, so my uptime is only a day or so cause I occasionally rebott so I can use one of the two. I will have to find a solution to these problems when I start running servers, though.

I’m running sshd, httpd (apache), and ftpd. Its useful. I’m considering sendmail, but maybe not. I’m running the test site for Gravity Magazine (gravmag.org) on my computer, and I expect to run the real thing as soon as I finish it. If I’m doing that, its logical that I might as well host some other stuff, so we’ll see.

I’m running XDarwin, which is an implementation of X Windows on OS X. I’m no good at these things, but I know I’m running Enlightenment as my window manager, and I ssh into Robin’s laptop next door to run Gabber, at least until I learn how to compile it on my computer (eww…gtk libraries…) or until someone makes a good Mac OS X implementation.

Running programs off of other people’s cycles is kinda cool for me, as I’ve never really done it before, now I see one of the reasons why so many people like *nix. Speaking of which, apparently there is a Brandes LUG of some sort forming here, which is cool.

This morning I awoke to rain. Funny, cause yesterday it was completely dry. Still, I find the weather quite nice, although rain means more plugged nose. My recent Costco visit left me with 32 bottles of water for only $6.50, I figured that would hold me for a while. Boy was I wrong. Everyone wants them! I’ve decided I’ll buy a case, plunk it in the hallway along with a coffee can and a sign saying “Take a bottle, leave 25 cents.” If I break even, I’ll do it again. If not, no more water for other people!


Yesterday Jason, Kelson, Florida Rachel and I went into Boston for some food. I was thinking about hearing Terry Gross, of Fresh Air, talking at Harvard, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to or would rather just hang out. Well, I quickly got my answer when a huge backup on the Pike meant it took us about 90 minutes to get to Harvard Yard, meaning no Fresh Air for me, only Chili’s. Still, it was fun. As we waited for the bus, Kelson and I discovered that, not only do we want to major in similar things, we also want to go into the same job. Wow. We both couldn’t stop talking about Mock Trial and we’ve resolved to see how hard it would be to form a team at Brandeis.


On Thursday I was at Harvard also, this time with Peter, to see the Ig Nobel awards. It was quite cool. Of course, when scientists are trying to be funny you have to cut them a little slack, and some of the sight gags got old, but it was pretty good. For a list of winners, check out this Wired article. For some background, check out this one. I liked it, it was fun, plus I got a few glow sticks out of it, and got to throw lots of paper airplanes at the stage! 😛

I’m listening to the soundtrack of Jekyll & Hyde now that I’ve ripped a copy from someone else, since all my music was lost in the great hard drive crash of ’01. Its very nice music. I came into the show so prejudiced about the thin story and bad acting from what I’d read that I missed some very nice music, and of course the effects were wonderful, but you can’t make a show on effects…

Still, it would be nice to see it again, if only it was still playing. But then, there is probably a reason why they closed it down. Maybe Scarlet Pimpernel. That one is fantabulous, I should go see it again.

The Chronicle of Danny’s Day goes something like this:

1. Wake up at 10:30, attempt Plato.


2. Fall asleep at 11:00, wake up at 11:30.


3. Shower. Clean up. Call home.


4. Shave, go to class, add to discussion.


5. More class, more discussion, meeting about paper.


6. Faculty Mentor dinner thingy for first years. About 50 of us out of…what…750? A couple professors tell us about their lives. Its interesting, but the food (salad) sucks.


7. Stop by the Justice. Nothin to do there. Leave.


8. Islam teach in. Somewhat informative, interesting speakers. One woman, who was very interesting, talked for way too long and put a lot of her politics into it, with no one choosing to contradict. Typical Brandeis, I guess.


9. Back to the Justice. Nothing to do. Wait around and read…uh…the Justice.


10. David, features ed, gets out of a meeting. Says my story will be in news. Okie dokie.


11. Waiting…


12. Yanna, news editor (at least for the next week), gets out of meeting. Looks like I’ll be making front page, but its kinda funny that its news instead of feature, basically I think its just a space issue.


13. I stand staring over Yanna’s shoulder long enough and she gives me something to do. Yay! I type up campus announcements and then the police log. Fun!


14. Come back. Go out partying with a group. Turns out there is no party where they thougth there was one. Hmm. The BranVan has left, so we start walking towards town.


15. We end up at a bar, but get kicked out very quickly. My first bar experience, and it really wasn’t anything special. Sigh.


16. We walk to McDonalds and have some nuggets. Yum! BranVan comes to pick us up, and the driver tells us about a happening party somewhere else. We go!


17. When we arrive we find the alcohol gone and the party ending. We call the BranVan…again.


18. Home, Mac OS X, sleep. Fun day.

So that is my day in order. Fun, huh? Its like, I did a lot, but not a lot of accomplishments. Although I do get a nice warm fuzzy feeling about the Justice. Yay! But my first party circuit was a major downer, not that I was planning on drinking, smoking, or shooting up anyway, but I did want to see what goes on at those places. Perhaps next week, as I’ve been invited to a party in Ridgewood. 🙂

It feels like a Claritin commercial. The sun woke me up at about 8:30 AM, after going to sleep around 2:00 AM. Squirrels danced outside my window. There was a morning chill in the air. I’m awake and ready to start my day. But bandwidth is wide open this time of morning, so I’m wasting it attempting to download Rod Stewart songs. 😛

Depression appears to have passed. I’m a few days late for my second Hep. A shot. I have to go do that on Monday. Oh, and it would probably be good to call Verizon one of these days…

At least my Philosophy book finally came from the Amazon seller, not in as good of condition as he said but good enough because now I can finally read it.

Dropped the Tylenol stuff, and my stuffy nose and other symptoms that i’ve had to deal with for years returned again, sigh sigh sigh. But at least I was much more awake!

Airport security confiscates pilot’s fingernail clippers. Heh.

My Justice article is now late, but nowhere near being done. Sigh. Guess I’ll do that now.

One of the bad things about writing a publically accessible blog is when you want to write something very personal, very deep, that is somewhat exposing. Its almost like you wish that friends, family, and others could read it and then forget it, move it to their subconscious so that they still sorta know that its there, but they don’t really know enough that it makes things uncomfortable.

I don’t like talking with anyone about my fun mental rollercoaster rides, least of all family members. I don’t like people bringing it up. At the same time, one of the great things about having a mental illness and being me is being able to analyze every action and determine how my daily seratonin dose is affecting me. Such was, and still is, the case today, and over the last few days.

I can look away, logically, and see myself, and tell myself that all of my insecurities and sadness and all is just chemical, its not me, but that’s not something you can tell your emotions. Laying on Andrew’s bed, watching drivel on television, with my eyes closed, listening to everyone playing football in the halls, it is nice, even for a brief moment, for someone to correct me, just a bit, and say no, some people do love you. That makes a big difference.

I’ve got a great roommate, I’ve met great people here, great professors, everything. I absolutely love my experiece. When I lasho out or feel sad, its completely me, and not them. And I try the best I can to control it. But it is hard, especially when so many other people have someone (eg, significant other) to rely on, to hug. Not me.

If you’re readin this and you go to school here, or are at home, don’t bring it up. I really, really don’t want to talk about it, just a bit of support every now and again, a shoulder squeeze or a nice word, goes a long way. It does for all of us, but for me especially, especially right now.

And for enemies reading this in the future – I am still my cold, logical self, even when I’m in these vulnerable states, so no, you will not triumph. Sorry. 😛

It is a record! Four hours of sleep and I’m not even tired (yet)! Three important things:

1. Some of the pictures aren’t showing up. I know. Anything with pluses in the name became underscores, so now nothing is working. I’ll fix it soon.


2. E-mail. I’ve gotten about 10 emails complaining that I don’t respond to e-mails. Thy are all right, because I’m getting an insane amout of e-mails. Hint: Send to dsilverman@mindwire.org, NOT my Brandeis account. The Brandeis one is getting so overloaded with Brandeis announcements and things that I can’t get through it. And if I don’t respond immediately, feel free to send me reminders, and bug me often!


3. While I’m dictating all this code-of-conduct stuff, I should point out that often times I come online and want to talk to people at home, etc., but sometimes I come on specifically to talk to someone here at Brandeis. I’m sorry if I ignore or don’t fully respond to outside queries, I’m trying to find a program that only shows certain people I’m online so that I can avoid this problem. Now that the weekend is coming and I’m getting more caught up on my work, I should be able to chat with outside sources much more. Thanks for your patience. 😛

That is all! Live long and prosper. And did anyone else not really like the first episode of Enterprise?

It is almost five AM. I should go to sleep now. But I’m just writing to suggest you click on the “media” link and check out the latest pictures. Oh, and to thank Amanda for the great music. Thanks!

Up late. In a depression swing, I can feel it. Play Age of Empires with no heart, end up resigning because the prospect of building armies and destroying cities just does not appeal. Brief moments of feeling everyone hates me. Unfulfiling Mario Kart. Anger at people in general, but I’m getting better at containing it during these periods. Hopefully a bit of exuberance will return tomorrow.

Reading Howard Zinn. Yummmm. Perfect medicine. That, and, of course, medicine. Speaking of which, Tylenol Allergy & Sinus, which I tried today, was very useful. No sniffiles for at least one day. Wow. Now off to bed, or perhaps more Zinn.

Barbara Laverdiere
Resident District Manager
Brandeis Dining Services

September 26, 2001

Dear Madam:
On Sunday, September 23, 2001, I had the displeasure of visiting your dining facility at Sherman Dning Hall in Massell Quad. I often avoid Sherman because of the frequently poor quality of the food, but on this occasion I was persuaded, mostly by the fact that Usdan was massively overcrowded. I was quite disappointed with my visit.

Although I arrived at Sherman over 30 minutes before the official closing time (an incomprehensible 7:00pm), I found there was very little foodstuff available. After waiting approximately 15 minutes at the hamburger station, I reached the front of the line only to find that there were no turkey burgers remaining. Furthermore, my traditional starter, chocolate chip cookies, usually in abundant supply, were nowhere to be found.

With Sustained closed down, the pizza machine empty, and a long line for a sandwitch, I had no choice but to attempt to make a waffle. But what is this? No waffle batter, nor toppings! Alas, I tried the salad bar, no easy feat seeing as there were no clean plates to be found. I eventally got a plate (from the hamburger station) just in time to see an employee taking away the salad bar! Not that it would have mattered, as there were no clean forks, and not even plastic supplements. Eventually I got a grilled cheese sandwitch and a glass of water, falling far short of my expected hearty meal and nowhere close to being worth the astronomical $7.90 paid to enter this supposed “all you can eat� establishment. For goodness sakes, there wasn’t even any bread out!

I’ve decided that from now on I’m sticking with Usdan and the Boulevard. Although their food selection is worse the the lines are frequently long, as least they have some sustinance to disribute, unlike the sorry dining experience we call Sherman.

Additionally, I believe it not inappropriate that I receive a full refund for my Sunday dinner. Feel free to contact me if you have any further questions.

Cordially,

Daniel Silverman

Since the Justice didn’t publish my article on Robert Reich (they feel like they’ve covered him enough already), here it is world:

He’s been called many things in his political career, but no one has ever referred to former Secretary of Labor Robert Reich as a French runway model. Surprisingly enough, that was the analogy the former Clinton insider used to explain globalization in his talk on Monday night.

Reich’s talk, sponsored by Students For A Just Society, drew over 200 students, the majority of whom were Brandeis first years. Reich spoke for one hour on the concept of globalization, a term that, he claimed, “has gone from obscure to meaningless in a very short amount of time.”

“Globalization is all around us,� Reich stated, “the widening of inequality changes the nature of the social contract in both the United States and within other countries.� He examined the issue from four different perspectives, explaining reasons for and against a US policy that supports a rising economic interconnectedness with the world.

In drawing comparisons, Reich gave an example from his life: his hips. Reich had to have both of his hips replaced due to a congenital condition. His new metal hips, which he praised highly, were constructed in Germany. “But,� he stated emphatically, “They were designed in France. I have French designer hips!�

Lamenting his inability to show off his hips to the large crown, Reich called on students to examine the issue of global development from all perspectives, emphasizing the need for social consciousness. “There is enormous student leverage,� he stated. “You learn very quickly when you’re in power that your official power is very circumscribed, very limited.� Yet, as a key demographic, students working together can cause great social and political change. “Politics feels unresponsive,� Reich declared, “but in fact it is remarkably responsive.�

Danny’s Pearl of Wisdom For the Day: When you radically change your sleep schedule, go to sleep at midnight, wake up at 6 am, and decide to go for a jog around campus, do not, let me repeat, do not sprint from the Massell area up to the Library area. Especially if you haven’t been running in…oh, I don’t know…3 months. Yeah. So, after I got over the nausea and throwing up, I did okay and actually felt pretty good. But no more sprinting for a while.

Today being Friday, this is the second day of my Radical Sleeping Schedule Shift ™. I went to bed again at midnight and this morning woke up at 7:30 without an alarm clock. Well, okay, I have a form of alarm clock, and it basically consists of drinking a lot of water before bed. About the time I need to remove said water from my system, its usually a good time of morning and I awake. Nice.

Elsewhere in the asylum…I argued international relations with Jerry Cohen and lost terribly. I’m going to a Justice web meeting at 4:30. I’ve still got a lot of cleaning to do. It was raining this morning and last night, which was really cool, except then it was hot and humid inside, which I hate. Everyone on my floor is getting addicted to Age of Empires II, so I expect productivity to radically drop. If only it worked on the Mac….

I’ve been corresponding with this cool guy named Seth who has some similar interests. Eventually we’ll actually meet up in meatspace, seeing as we are in the same AMST 131 class and all.

So I have about 50 important e-mails to respond to, a bunch of books to read, an essay to write, and lots of people who’ve been gone the last few days are now returning. I have a Justice article and some nam shub stuff I want to research, I have a 9:00AM COSI test, and I need some exercise. I’m awake, but I’ve been tired in morning, where morning is defined as noon. This is not a good thing. I need to work on this.

There are lots of clubs and projects and things to do, I almost wish that there wasn’t so much school to get in the way of it. We watched the Secret Brandies Admissions Video ™, and the best line is the one about , “…balanc[ing] your personal development and academic development. And inevitably personal development wins out.”

I’ve been here some insanely short period of time, like less than a month, but already this place is my home. The people, the buildings, the surroundings are all mine now. Everyone I talk to who doesn’t live around here and who goes away or visits another college or whatever, comes back and tells me that this is what is home. They miss Brandeis when they’re gone. Its a great feeling.

Meanwhile, people in the UC system start college in the next few weeks. START! I’ve already been here an eternity. Yet, right now, I hope it never ends.

So here is a bit of lightening up, at my expense and the expense of others. First off, that picture from the last entry. Its Becky and Brian, and I really can’t explain it. Here is a nice big version in full color, with all the…uh…detail. They were just hanging out in the hallway, and somehow that strange position was attained. Heh.

I thought we should go to Boston today. “Let’s go to Boston today!” I said. Yeah. Well, the first attempt was aborted because not enough people were ready, then it was planned for later, supposedly 4-ish. Come 4 and everyone is gone. That is, everyone who has not gone home for the holidays or becasue of the disaster or whatever, is not around. They went to Boston. Without. Me. Grr.

So Peter and Rachel and I are talking, somehow we get to the point of thinking of going to Boston and seeing a movie. We get a few other people. Nope, they want to maybe go to Waltham or something. Go to Usdan, eat. Not eating in Boston? Sigh.

After eating, maybe we should go to Boston! Let’s go! Well, I can’t, and I don’t want too, but you still have 7 people, including Igor, who ran out to meet us. Then two people decide they don’t want to go, and a third, and then its just four of us guys – Roman, who was kinda made to go by Sophie, who isn’t going because she’s waiting for Mark to show up, Jason, who is going for the hell of it, a third person who I’m suddenly confused as to the actual identity of (was it Seth? I’m very tired…), and myself. So we get off the bus…

No one (to my knowledge) went to Waltham, but Sophie, Mark, Roman, Seth, and I did watch Chicken Run, which was a good antibiotic to the sickness of the days previous.

Have I hopelessly confused you with a bajillion names? Well, that was the intention, so ha.

Artist: Alanis Morissette
Album: Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie
Title: Thank U


How about getting off of these antibiotics
How about stopping eating when I’m filled up
How about them transparent dangling carrots
How about that ever elusive kudo
Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence
How about me not blaming you for everything
How about me enjoying the moment for once
How about how good it feels to finally forgive you
How about grieving it all one at a time
Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence
The moment I let go of it was
The moment I got more than I could handle
The moment I jumped off of it was
The moment I touched down
How about no longer being masochistic
How about remembering your divinity
How about unabashedly bawling your eyes out
How about not equating death with starving
Thank you India
Thank you providence
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you nothingness
Thank you clarity
Thank you thank you silence
yeah yeah
ahh ohhh
ahhh ho oh
ahhh ho ohhhhhh
yeaahhhh yeahh

The “most inclusive” country is extremely racist and mean. Go figure.

After a day of watching CNN, I was sick of it. Today I sat and watched more, the aftermath, the investigations, and tears for the first time came to my eyes. I sat and thought a lot about what I had seen and heard and how I would react to it if I had to make the decisions. I came to no real conclusions.

Enough is enough. I decided that I had to do something with my day. My studies have been shot over the last two days and I figure I’ll just catch up on the weekend. Meanwhile, I need something to lighten the atmosphere and distract me. So we play Monopoly, which is a good distraction, although I did very badly at it, possibly due to the other things on my mind. Later there was a floor meeting where we continued to talk about the attacks and US response, but this just depressed me so I left – I don’t want to discuss this with anyone. Various people had various petitions, I just signed what I was given so as not to cause any arguments – I really am not in the mood right now.

I chose today to rearrange my room, to put the desk on the other side, and Robin helped me move the desk and bed over. This felt good – I felt like I was accomplishing something and I am happy with the new arrangement because everything is much cleaner. We are all coping in our own ways. Len is joining causes – blood drives, petitions, etc. Other people are ignoring the whole thing, some are chatting with friends, some of us played board games or went to Boston. I rearranged my room, but it was not enough. At 2 am I was still up, still upset. So I decided I needed some mind-numbing television.

After some fiddling I was able to get the TiVo working again and was actually able to get the darn thing to dial in, so now I’ll have all my directory info and my shows will be recorded again. I watched an old episode of Farscape that it had recorded before I left. It was just what I needed. Crichton goes into a coma, and to fight for his survivual he is transported into this subconscious state that he tries to control. He makes everything into Looney Tunes cartoons to deal with his problems. It has to be one of the funniest TV shows I’ve seen in a long time. Now it is 3 am and, although I’m not really tired, I figure I have to give it a rest, go to bed, and shut off my monitor to be nice to Len, who I’m sure isn’t in the happiest slumber right now as I type away. Tomorrow I’ll have to wake up, attend classes, go on with life. It sucks, because I’m not ready.

I don’t know anyone who was killed, I don’t have relatives in New York, I am not personally affected by this tragedy, yet I feel it deeply. I’m scared of lots of things: biological and chemical attack, nuclear weapons, the destruction of privacy, of free speech. The takeover of government by corporations. Now add to the list the fear that we will do something wrong, that we will spur still more terrorism, that more innocent people, both in the US and abroad, will die. It is almost too much for one to handle. So with that, I’m off to my fitful slumber. Perhaps tomorrow will bring better tidings. Good night, alas, a thousand times good night.